Day 94

This past Saturday was the first Komen Race for the Cure without Mary. And while I have huge issues with what Komen really uses it's charitable contributions for I went and I walked (without registering because after reading this article I REFUSE to give them a single penny! Even with that article being 2 years old I am still disgusted.).

It was another first. And having kept busy and gotten through nearly an entire week without an episode of grief induced tears I was unable to keep it together initially. Mom made tee shirts for all of us. Saturday morning was the first time I saw them. Cue tears. Rob was still asleep and just wanted to meet my family at the "finish line" so I left him home and ventured over to Delaware Park. I found my parents and nieces and nephew. When I got to the rose garden a family asked if I would take a picture for them and after I asked the survivor in the group if I could give her a hug, explaining that I'd lost my sister in March.

Strangers, this women held me tight and let me cry for a minute on her shoulder. I told her to keep getting checked and she said she did. Thank you Stranger for that hug.

And when I saw Levi's girlfriend Amanda, I almost lost it again, because standing there, with her pink ribbon sticker on her cheek I saw Mary. A shorter version of my sister, but the resemblance just floored me.

I walked the full 5k with my Dad and niece Danielle. We had a good time overall and Rob was indeed there to greet us at the finish line with the rest of my family.

So that was Saturday. And this is today. And today is yet another first. The first recurrence of my sister Dawn's breast cancer. I don't know the full story, but she or doctor noticed a lump on the back of her neck and a PET scan was ordered, earlier than the standard follow up one she was supposed to get in July. Word came back today - it's a progression of her disease and she will be going in for an MRI to determine how they will treat this. She has been in remission for less than 6 months. It's a blow, and until the MRI is done we won't know how extensive of a blow this is.

I am trying to stay optimistic, and hopeful that there is only this one new lesion and they can do a quick surgery to remove it (if it's a lymph node) followed by a targeted burst of radiation and send Dawn on her way (while still continuing the Herceptin and newly added Tamoxifen). But we'll see. In the meantime I try and keep my faith (which contrary to what my family may think I do have - it's just not a man-indoctrined force-fed Roman Catholicism).

So there's that to deal with. But we march on, continuing our lives, forcing one foot in front of the other each day. One of the most beautiful things about life is its fluidity. I'm a fire sign, but drawn to water, the ebbs and flows, it's constant motion, reminding me to never remain stagnant. Guess that's one of the reasons I find myself married to a Pisces.